Silently passing by me the lively kids leap, skip and play around the picturesque landscape not worrying about anything, the ultimate freedom, I hear the giggles and laughter of the free children. Whilst I walk around the amber trees the heavy smells of the cherry blossom flowers dash around me, filling my nose with breath-taking smells. Slowly strolling through the endless woods the yellow bricked path leads the way. The sounds of elegant birds chirp around me bombarding my ears. Sweeping my hands through the overgrown luscious grass it engulfs me in a maze environment that I cant escape. Approaching the top of the hill I parade to a patch of cut grass, it lays under a single old oak tree as it guards the woods like a king. Sitting at the very top a checkered sheet lays with me friends awaiting my arrival. As the hot apple pie melts in my mouth the flavours distract me, the struggles of life flow away, the setting sun disappears over the snowy mountains that therapeutically heals me. looking over at the glooming lights from the village below the families full of love go to the latest festival, as it comes to an end I can still smell the food trucks selling leftovers for free. The stars glistening over Namche Bazzar make the snowy mountain tops sparkle like glitter all around us. we head to the huts where the fire lays with a rich song of warmth to surround us as we begin are descending slumber…
Burnt and broken my legs struggle to walk through the disappearing woods, in the silence peoples souls search in hope of a living amber tree, to reassure that there is still life and happiness that used to live. It had been years since the sound of birds chirping echoed through the valley, not remembering the sound the mind cant help but think when the last time someone saw one and how mindless they could have been not knowing how it would change. Walking lonely through this scary darkness, the black intimidating clouds lurk over my presence reminding me of the thoughts of death and sorrow . slowly hobbling through the endless deathening woods I to find my childhood memories. Due to the extreme climate heating, the old luteous mysterious woods didn’t stand a chance, destroyed, the extreme temperatures continuously burn the woods down to the floor and had been too severe for animals to survive. You hear in the distance anther species has been announced extinct over the beaming speakers, echoing through the endless valleys. As I mope back to my lonely car through the rubble I couldn’t help but notice the emptiness of the city and how silent it was, it felt like a dream I never wanted to happen. Looking through my broken car windows the indigenous fog blocks the outside world, the sterilising car radio shakes the quietness. The mountain tribes do the evening war cry the scream put a deathening shock down your spine and crawls inside to haunt you. As the night comes to an end the hikers join me on the adventure upwards to reach the top. The tiredness in their eyes shows the struggles of life and the hope of a new begining
Hi Oliver,
As you continue to draft your work, I encourage you to think about the following:
Develop your ideas and images past a single line. At the moment, things feel very ‘listed’, like you are rattling off observations as they come to you. I encourage you to blend some of these images and develop a relationship between them. Try some prepositions!
Think about how you can “show” the scene through the senses rather than telling us what is there. Consider how you can best utilize figurative devices and language connotations to encourage your reader to imply the scene, rather than narrating it to them all the time.
Mrs. P
Hi Oliver,
During your final hours of this assessment, I encourage you to:
Maintain the same narrative POV throughout your writing.
SHOW the scene rather than tell it. Look to appeal to a range of senses so that you are building a rich image that a reader can imagine themselves in. You are writing about a highly emotive idea- use strong language to develop a consistent tone in each timeframe.
Mrs. P